Barefoot in the Park

Barefoot in the Park? Watch your step.

Um...sorry perhaps I'm wrong and we've never met. Hi, I'm Lauren. I'm an extremely affectionate and only slightly inappropriate drunk, I stumble and fall even when I'm sober, and...uh....I hate shoes. This is important information.


Facing Facts

It's been a long time since I've been in this kind of situation. Actually, I can't remember the last time... it was so long ago, I'm sure. How do you push through it? How do you just accept that what you're feeling is too late or... is... misplaced... displaced...maybe I'm just a sore loser. Maybe it's just that I've had so few losses that this one is more emphasized. And is it a loss? No. Not yet...but it will be. I'm losing this leg of the race, that much is evident.

Because at this point there's no way to turn it into a success. I think. Maybe I'm jumping the gun. But I don't think so. I think I'm very caught up with this race. You know, you can go through your whole childhood, accepting that fairy tales aren't real and accepting that everything doesn't always end happily. But...when you've been told, as well, your whole childhood that you can be whatever and whoever you want to be....that's a lie. And you just eat it up. You accept it because mommy and daddy say it to cheer you up. You can be anyone and anything.

They leave out the part about someone else getting there first--in jobs, in love, in everything. You can't always win the race. You know what they say about...picking your battles? I picked this one. I didn't think it would be easy, and I expected bumps in the road, but this...this is a helluva bump. it's a roadblock with no alternate route. You can't go any further than this, you have to wait for the barricade to come down. If it ever comes down.

And are you gonna stick around to see it come down, or are you gonna go find a detour back at the fork? Excellent question.


vacation and birthday and shtuff

So, in case you didn't see the pictures yet, I had a great time on vacation :) I flew down to la Florid on 4/30 and my mother and I immediately ran to Disney on an errand. Then we ran to a store, then to get our nails done. Because that's what mothers and daughters SHOULD do lol.

On 5/1 we boarded the Caribbean Princess out of Port Everglades (after driving down the Turnpike, dropping off the rental car, getting lost at the Ft. Lauderdale airport, and hopping in a cab....this all took about 4.5 hours) and checked out our stateroom, roamed the ship (which we'd both been ..--I, once, my mother I think twice or 3x), and hopped on the buffet line for lunch. Here's what you have to understand about cruise food: YOU'RE GOING TO RETAIN WATER. no matter how little you eat or how high your protein:carb ratio is, you're going to retain water. deal with it. But if you do eat pretty well, then about 2 days after the cruise you'll lose at LEAST the water weight, which is great. Anyway. Lunch = good. We chilled in the room for a bit, watched the crappy cruise channel, met some people in the hot tub on deck 16 aft, went to the muster drill (where they sat a bunch of us in the casino, talked about lifevests, and then laughed as we all experimented with actually wearing them. oh yeah, good times. The ship (aka big boat) set sail out of Pt. Canaveral at 7, at which point everyone ran for dinner. except us. we took our time getting there.

5/2 was a day-at-sea for us. We laid in the sun, we checked out the pools, we ate....loads of fun, people, you have no idea. We even hit the gym. Yes. they have a full-fledged gym on-board. Like half of a NYSC. Seriously. And a spa. Anyway. Movies under the stars that night was National Treasure II. I got through about half of it before it started raining, and we never finished it.

5/3 (my birthday!) we got to the private island (Princess Cays) and my mother and I took our time tendering over since we didn't want to deal w/ the crowds. It was a beautiful day, but it was cold. Like 78. Which made the ocean too cold for my mother. So I swam in the ocean (something I never do for fun) and we sunned ourselves before heading back to the ship where we then got in the pool. It's nice when we're at the private island because no one else is on the ship haha. So then, my mother decided there was something she wanted to do and I wanted to rest because my foot was hurting and I was bleh. Well, I passed out. I slept for almost an hour and then my mother called the room freaking out about where the hell was I? lol We went to the gym and then showered and stuff and headed to Sabatini's which is the extra-pay Italian restaurant onboard. You have to make reservations. I made a reservation on Friday. We get to the restaurant and the snooty manager has the gall to tell me that I made a res for Palm, one of the regular dining rooms, not Sabatini's. It's fortunate that my mother knows how to keep a cool head because I had to walk away. I mean, hello? I currently make reservations for a living. It's my job. I know how to do it. I know what I confirmed over the phone, obviously you're a dipshit Mr. no no no you have to go to Palm now because I'm waiting on a Party of 30. Yeah. thanks asshole. So we go to Palm and have a very very nice dinner, they brought out a little cake for me at the end which was cute...we had an incident with the sorbet which still cracks me up so much I'd have to tell the story in person. Unfortunately, I missed the Kentucky Derby. Although, since they had to kill one of the horses, perhaps it's better that I was asleep through it. That night we packed our stuff up into the suitcases, preparing to move to the next room.

5/4 in the AM we got up and headed up with our carry-ons to the buffet. We got there around 9. By the time my mother got back to the table with her plate, they were closing the line up. No breakfast for Lauren. No no no. We sat around for a while with our laptops (I'm teaching my mother how to navigate her new MacBook) and then joined everyone else who was in transit (going from this cruise, to the one immediately following), like us. Then a woman with a clipboard comes around checking to make sure they have everyone and, guess what, we're not on the list of those in transit. She tries to tell us that we'll have to wait to do embarkation with all the newbies. My mother said hell no and refused to get off of the ship until they had fixed the situation and given us our new room keys, and situated us with the other transit passengers. You know, she can be pretty embarrassing at times, but she gets the job done lemme tell ya. We joined our fellow transit passengers and waited for them to let us back on the ship. We finally get back on and head to our new room, which has a balcony on the starboard side. We waited for our previous steward to bring our luggage so we could unpack while all the newbies were getting on board and still waiting for their luggage. Not only did we unpack, but we did laundry. And went swimming. None of the newbies could do that LOL. We had lunch in the dining room with some interesting people and then finished laundry, hung out in the room, waited for the gym to open, etc. Hit the gym and then showered and did dinner in one of the dining halls with some friends of my mom, the Neufers. The Neufers and my parents have an interesting relationship. It's kind of cute, and kind of perturbing. So we eat dinner and then I think my mother and I hung out in the room like dorks.

5/5 was a day at sea again, so we played dominoes and sunned ourselves and swam and god knows what. We ate dinner at the buffet, but then my mother decided that she and I should go drinking. I'd been eyeing this Cucumber Martini for about 4 days now and it was time. I had my Cucumber Martini on deck 7 midship while my mother had a "Dr. No." Lemme tell you: no no no...tasted/smelled like/looked like Nyquil. Gross. We headed down (mind you I'd already had a glass of Pinot Noir and was stumbling a little) the stairs to deck 5 because my mother wants something else. I drank a MaiTai, she had a Beverly Hillbillies Iced Tea. You'll have to look that one out. It would have knocked me out. Not my mother. Now, I was done drinking, but she wasn't. We headed back up to deck 7 (now on the elevator) to go to the bar at the Explorers' Lounge. I drank water, my mother drank a toasted almond. And decided to take pictures. Everytime the flash went off, the bartender (Paul) thought she was taking pictures of his ass. As funny as that would have been, she wasn't. We wandered a little bit and my mother decides she needs food to soak up the alcohol. I'm ready to just pass out, thanks. But no. And then I had to stay awake until she finished figuring herself out. Oh yeah, fun. We watched the original Sabrina (Hepburn).

5/6 was a day on Grand Turk which is in the chain known as the Turks and Caicos Islands in the Atlantic (not the Bahamas, and not in the Caribbean). It was absolutely stunning. The water was warm, there was a Margaritaville, the shopping was great, and it was gorgeous. After we finished there we went back to the ship and, I think, played dominoes. At this point I'd begun to feel a bit woozey on the ship and had switched to Gingerale at all meals. That night we went to the Explorer's Lounge and watched The Assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford which was actually really good. After that my mother decided to eat a midnight snack. Hell no. I was barely eating when it wasn't midnight haha.

5/7 we were back at the private island and it was warmer so we stayed longer in the water. We had rented some floats and we just kicked back and got burnt lol. or at least I got burnt. Pink. ish. We had dinner one more time in the dining room with the N's and then went back to the room, packed, and I think just watched crazy Discovery Channel videos...which convinced me that ORCAS EAT EVERYTHING. seriously. baby grey whales. look it up.

5/8 We went to breakfast and I actually GOT breakfast. Then we got off the ship with the N's...went through customs, etc. Eventually got ourselves back to the N's car. I don't remember most of the trip because I get a little carsick so I was trying to avoid all conversation and ended up asleep for about 3 hours. We got home, I unpacked, threw half my clothes in the laundry and spent an hour sorting pictures. I got to the house in Orlando at about 2pm. I was at the airport at 6:15. I got to my apartment in NYC at 11:38. 5/8 was quite the whirlwind. So...yeah...that's it. Ask me about the sorbet lol


Vacation Photos

since there are far too many of them, here're the links for my facebook albums:

Part One

Part Two

enjoy :)
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