I had this amazing dream last night. A real dream about how a lot of things COULD HAVE been. Everyone got along. Even the dog. Tall grass and pool. Everyone so mouth wateringly sweet. I wanted it to be like that. For life to come together like that. But I woke...knowing that it was too far past that point to ever make it back...and accepting that.
It’s a new year tomorrow. I’ve spent the last approximately 12 months on a rollercoaster, never getting off of it. Just riding the curves around and around, sometimes (early on) not noticing the most dangerous of turns, only recently seeing how scary they are. Originally finding joy in the loops, now barely recognizing them. I need to get off of the ride. I need to go back to the beginning. The entrance to the queue. The beginning of the line. I need to wait my turn again, for I’ve become jaded by the light. It’s time that I go back to the point of entry, the beginning of this existence and either begin again, or wait while the coaster’s repaired. Then again, this life is too short to be spent on one ride.
I've got so many plans in my head and I still haven't learned how to put them on paper without enhancing the ability to then ignore them. I need to paint a huge calendar or something. I need a pensieve and tiny little bottles of memories.
Growing up is hard.
When I move in a few months, I'm installing a ball pit.